Day One Training for Half Marathon

     Today began my first day of earnest training for the half marathon coming up in a couple of months. It is my plan to run in the Las Vegas Rock and Roll Series Marathon and Half Marathon. On the first day of my training program I was to run a easy 30 minutes. No problem-right? I have already participated in some 5Ks and a 10K. So naturally a half was the next logical step. Granted it has been 3 months to the day since I laced up my running shoes, but it should still be easy right? BULL!

     For this "easy" run I decided I would have my man drop me off about 3 miles from our farm and while he tended to the critters, I would just jog on there. No problem. Nice winding rurally road. Little traffic with a little bit of scenery along the way. Ideal plan. Ha Ha Ha.

     The first omen that things might not be so smooth was when he decided to drop me off in the local funeral home parking lot. Mind you funeral homes don't spook me in the least, but today the vultures were circling as he drove off. Literally. Big ugly turkey vultures with their big ugly wrinkly naked necks landed near me as I started down the back road. It was as if they sensed a meal in the making.

     As I jogged along at a brisker than normal pace (maybe just to get away from the spooky carnivores), I was soon leaving them behind. About half a mile in is where I started smelling the stench of death. Surely it wasn't me already. Nope-just a dead possum whom had the misfortune of meeting the front bumper of a local citizen. Lordy did it stink.

     As I plodded along, my lungs screamed for air, my pace slowed and I soon started questioning my sanity. But still I continued, stopping ever so often to catch my breath. As I was half way through my "run" I reached an open stretch and kicked it up a notch. I heard the "vehicle" if you want to call it that, before I saw it. As it came around one of the 4 very sharp turns in the road, the yahoo driving it saw me and gunned the engine. I looked around in time to see him accelerating to what seemed like a 100 miles an hour in that short stretch headed straight for me in the opposite lane. I started looking for a spot to jump out of the way, but would have to jump into a drainage ditch to avoid him. Just as I was about to take the dive as he closed in, he veered off-chortling at my panic. He flew on down the road, around the curve and out of sight. Red-Neck Idiot!!

     I composed myself, I continued on, a bit shaken, but determined to get this over with. I was over half way to the farm, about to run out of steam with a pounding headache, and a stitch in my side.

     As I jogged past the country cemetery, I felt a shiver creep up my back even though the temp outside was almost 80. I could have been in one of these if that idiot hadn't  veered off in time. IDIOT!

     Just as I was approaching the final stretch to the farm, my other "worst" fear came dashing out of one the yards. A large mixed breed dog zeroed in on me, nose low to the ground and accelerating towards me. Dang! Just my luck. Armed with only a water bottle. I stopped and demanded that he STOP! Didn't work. Hmmm. It always worked for Caesar when he did it on TV. What the Heck! Well, I knew not to run. I stood my ground and waited. Thankfully all he seemed to want to do is sniff my feet. However, he was getting pushier and I needed to get on. Trying not to let him sense my discomfort, I moved forward, commanding him to go home. Then when I was just about to get a little more panicky at his insistence, I looked up in time to see my man coming to my rescue on his white horse, er.. I mean white truck. He pulled up and I jumped in. "I thought this one might give you some trouble", he said. Ahhh, my prince.....

     So with my head pounding, red faced and slightly nauseated, I had completed my first training run in my quest to run that cursed half marathon. All I can say is they had better have some really awesome goody bags and a super neat t-shirt for this....